Komui's Inbox
by Mitzuna
Summary: It's just a normal day at the Black Order's headquarters, isn't it? Well, let's take a look at Komui's emails... Rated for language.


Disclamer: I don't own DGray-man. It all belongs to Katsura Honshino. And a big thank you goes to Narcoleptic Spazz, because this story was highly inspired by her "FullMetal's Inbox". I also have her permission, so don't flame me for copying the idea. But if you're a fan of Fullmetal Alchemist, check her story out^^

Note: The original was written by my sister and me in German, so please excuse grammatical errors. They may be due to my lack of translation skills-.-

-Komui's Inbox-

To: Komurin4eva(at)touchmysisteranddie(dot)net

From: Debthater(at)allyoucaneat(dot)net

Subject: mission has started

Dear Supervisor Komui,

we arrived at our destination without major problems (what's amazing, after being attacked by Akumas three times). How unfortunate for the golem network to be out of service, I'm still a bit confused by this new invention, „Internet" or whatever. Well, I'm not sure if Kanda will learn to use the computer without trying to tear it to pieces, but we'll see.

And while we're on this topic: How come that Kanda and I have to do this mission? Together? It's not like we're getting along with each other on normal circumstances, but… is Kanda PMSing very much? Would explain his mood swings.

Oh well, speak of the devil… Mr Arrogant got back. I think this should do.

Yours sincerely, Allen

xxx

To: Komurin4eva(at)touchmysisteranddie(dot)net

From: Superchef(at)kitchenmaster(dot)net

Subject: Transfusion of money?

Supervisor,

you know, I love my job, I really do, but there are some matters, which try your devotion. I really like to work at the Black Order, but I insist on my monthly pay check.

Can you explain, how I am supposed to supply the whole headquarters with food without enough money? Half of the amount is devoured by only one Exorcist! (Of course I'm not giving any hints, but I think you know who I mean…)

You better come up with something.

Mfg, Jerry

xxx

To: Komurin4eva(at)touchmysisteranddie(dot)net

From: Surroundedbyidiots(at)Iloveswords(dot)com

Subject: Re: mission has started

Komui,

when I come back, I will rip you to shreds. Moyashi is annoying.

P.S.: Kanda forced me! Mr-everything-you-can-do-I-can-do-better couldn't even write his own email! … Why do I get this foreboding feeling? He's standing behind me, right? Kanda? Nononononononooooooo!

P.S.S. : I cann writ myy emayls jusst phine!

xxx

To: Komurin4eva(at)touchmysisteranddie(dot)net

From: Order'snanny(at)Ihatemyjob(dot)net

Subject: I know what you're doing!

Supervisor,

You better get down here and start working on the documents on your desk, before I'm telling Lenalee what's behind lab 378.

Sincere regards, Section chief Reever

xxx

To: Komurin4eva(at)touchmysisteranddie(dot)net

From: p.q(at)finder'sorder(dot)com

Subject: in need of a substitute!

Dear Supervisor Komui,

I'm sending you this email to complain about my current job situation and I would like to ask for a substitute. Those two aren't Exorcists, they're little brats. Despite knowing the location of the Innocence for more than two days, they can't work together to bash in the enemy's head instead of their own.

I hope you can find a solution for this problem soon. I'll be expecting your answer.

Finder p.q

xxx

To: Komurin4eva(at)touchmysisteranddie(dot)net

From: euphoricspectator(at)totallymytype!(dot)com

Subject: boredom, come and eat me!

Komuiiiii,

I'm sooo bored! You're not only responsible for me being locked up in headquarters with Panda-jiji for over a month, nooo! You also sent my favourite entertainment on a mission! How dare you give Yu-chan and Allen a mission, without me? Without Yu-chan everything's just boooring! I WANT MY TOY BACK!

Lavi

xxx

To: Komurin4eva(at)touchmysisteranddie(dot)net

From: Order'snanny(at)Ihatemyjob(dot)net

Subject: I still know what you're doing

Supervisor,

there went your last chance. Say goodbye to your new Komurin in lab 378.

Sincere regards, Section chief Reever

xxx

To: Komurin4eva(at)touchmysisteranddie(dot)net

From: bootsareawesome(at)myhappyfamiliy(dot)com

Subject: Nii-san!

Nii-san,

Reever just told me you were making another Komurin! Have you forgotten our last discussion regarding this topic? I'm sure you know the consequences.

Lenalee

xxx

To: Komurin4eva(at)touchmysisteranddie(dot)net

From: Black&White(at)noah'sark(dot)com

Subject: Hi there =)

Hey you,

say, where's Allen? Road's annoying the hell out of me. I need a distraction before she's trying to put me in drag, again.

Signed, Tyki Mick

P.S: I would comply with my wishes if I were you. Otherwise Road might want to visit. (You'll be astonished by her talent in make-up and hairstyling.)

xxx

To: Komurin4eva(at)touchmysisteranddie(dot)net

From: Superchef(at)kitchenmaster(dot)net

Subject: Re: Transfusion of money?

Supervisor,

are you delusional? Shrinking the servings, are you out of your mind? Kanda will cut me to pieces and Allen will eat me alive! That's NO solution!

MfG, Jerry

xxx

To: Komurin4eva(at)touchmysisteranddie(dot)net

From: Surroundedbyidiots(at)Iloveswords(dot)com

Subject: ...

Want a replacement for Moyashi. Bratty little girl sticks to him all the time. Hinders the mission. Fucking Moyashi's more annoying than ever.

Signed, Kanda

xxx

To: Komurin4eva(at)touchmysisteranddie(dot)net

From: Debthater(at)allyoucaneat(dot)net

Subject: What the hell?

Komui,

why did you give our current address to Road? Now she wants to convince me to go on a date with her. She won't leave me alone at all! And Kanda isn't of any help. I constantly lose sight of him. Selfish bastard! It wouldn't kill him to wait!

But did you notice? Kanda's able to write his own emails nowadays. Big accomplishment, huh? Oh, I think I heard Mugen.

Yours sincerely, Allen

xxx

To: Komurin4eva(at)touchmysisteranddie(dot)net

From: euphoricspectator(at)totallymytype!(dot)com

Subject: Re: Er… Just follow those two

Supervisor,

I'm glad to obtain my marching orders. I only have one little problem: Where do I have to go actually?

Lavi

xxx

To: Komurin4eva(at)touchmysisteranddie(dot)net

From: Surroundedbyidiots(at)Iloveswords(dot)com

Subject: Re: ...

Have shaken the annoying brat off. Where's the reinforcement?

Kanda

xxx

To: Komurin4eva(at)touchmysisteranddie(dot)net

From: euphoricspectator(at)totallymytype!(dot)com

Subject: Re: Er… Just follow those two

Supervisor,

have received Timcampy. But it may take a few days until I'm arriving at my destination. Have to reduce Cross' debts first. A little help would be nice.

Lavi

xxx

To: Komurin4eva(at)touchmysisteranddie(dot)net

From: p.q(at)finder'sorder(dot)com

Subject: funny farm… PLEASE TAKE ME

Supervisor,

I'm sorry. Can't take it anymore. Going to search for the next loony bin. Want to never ever eat beans or see swords again. NEVER!

Finder p.q

xxx

To: Komurin4eva(at)touchmysisteranddie(dot)net

From: euphoricspectator(at)totallymytype!(dot)com

Subject: I'm on my waaahaaay

Supervisor,

I'm going to continue my mission now. Left Miranda with the debt-collectors. She wanted to pay them off alone. But I have no idea how long it will take her (or to what extend they will grow…)

Lavi

xxx

To: Komurin4eva(at)touchmysisteranddie(dot)net

From: timecontrol(at)misery'smyfriend(dot)net

Subject: Re: I've got a teeny-weeny mission for you

Dear Supervisor Komui,

I think I have to take a voluntary leave of absence from the Order for the next two months to repay these debts. I'm sorry for being this useless!

Apologizing regards, Miranda Lotto

xxx

To: Komurin4eva(at)touchmysisteranddie(dot)net

From: Black&White(at)noah'sark(dot)com

Subject: Here I am once more…

Hey you,

could you tell me where the hell Road is? I gave her the location of the cheating boy, but now everyone's disappeared from there. The Earl will kill me if he finds this out!

Signed,Tyki Mikk

xxx

To: Komurin4eva(at)touchmysisteranddie(dot)net

From: Surroundedbyidiots(at)Iloveswords(dot)com

Subject: Mincemeat!

I'll cut you to smithereens! Right after grilling the fucking Usagi and Moyashi! Idiots will surely provide a decent dinner…

Kanda

xxx

To: Komurin4eva(at)touchmysisteranddie(dot)net

From: Superchef(at)kitchenmaster(dot)net

Subject: Re: Transfusion of money?

Supervisor,

because you couldn't show me an acceptable solution, I had to find one on my own. Until further notice I will reduce the provision of coffee.

MfG Jerry

xxx

To: Komurin4eva(at)touchmysisteranddie(dot)net

From: xD(at)finder'sorder(dot)de

Subject: Re: I believe you're fit for your first mission

Dear Supervisor Komui,

I thank you so, sooo much for giving me this chance to demonstrate my abilities. All the others say I'm not ready to be a good Finder, that I lack potential and endurance, but I always knew that the day will come to prove them wrong! And then you're already giving me a mission with tree Exorcists! I don't know how to express my graditute.

Thank you very, very much, Finder xD

xxx

To: Komurin4eva(at)touchmysisteranddie(dot)net

From: bootsareawesome(at)myhappyfamiliy(dot)com

Subject: Nii-saaan

Nii-san ,

please remember your cleaning duty in lab 378. And don't even try to leave this job to somebody else. You will do this on your own. When I'm back from my mission I expect everything to be cleaned and organized. Otherwise you won't hear a word from me till you finished your job.

Lenalee

xxx

To: Komurin4eva(at)touchmysisteranddie(dot)net

From: Order'snanny(at)Ihatemyjob(dot)net

Subject: Er… hello?

Supervisor,

Jerry refuses to give us any coffee. Could you explain this to me? How do you expect us to keep working without our staple food?

Section chief Reever

xxx

To: Komurin4eva(at)touchmysisteranddie(dot)net

From: Bookman(at)Ilovehistory(dot)com

Subject: Re: I need your help!

Supervisor Komui,

am I your financial advisor? How am I supposed to know a way to shovel money into the Black Order? You could start by not building any Komurins anymore, so you the expenses for the spare parts decrease. Or maybe you could teach your Exorcists some manners. Then you may avoid the costs for paying for all the destruction on their missions.

Signed, Bookman

xxx

To: Komurin4eva(at)touchmysisteranddie(dot)net

From: IheartLenalee(at)Iamnostalker(dot)com

Subject: Re: Baaak-chaaan

Supervisor Komui,

care to tell me why you want so much money? Because we could use it ourselves, you know (Fou threw a tantrum last week and we're still repairing the water pipes on the second floor). Without good reasons you won't see a penny.

Greetings, Bak

P.S.: Don't call me Bak-chan!

xxx

To: Komurin4eva(at)touchmysisteranddie(dot)net

From: euphoricspectator(at)totallymytype!(dot)com

Subject: weee're on ooouuur waaay

Hey Komui,

today's my turn, because Allen und Yu-chan are trying to kill each other just now. Well, will surely become a bloody mess. So as you can see we have a lot of fun here.

By the way, thanks for the new Finder, but he didn't last long. He already fled after two days. Me thinks, he was too sensitive to withstand Kanda's manners for too long. But I've got good news too! We've gotten the Innocence. We'll head back to the Order, when Yu-chan and Allen agree on getting home on train or ferry.

Lavi

P.S.. Please tell Jerry to be well prepared. Allen seems really hungry.

xxx

To: Komurin4eva(at)touchmysisteranddie(dot)net

From: Order'snanny(at)Ihatemyjob(dot)net

Subject: Supervisor...

Supervisor,

WE'LL STIRKE, IF YOU TAKE AWAY OUR COFFEE!

Science department

xxx

To: Komurin4eva(at)touchmysisteranddie(dot)net

From: IheartLenalee(at)Iamnostalker(dot)com

Subject: Re: Baaak-chaaan

Okay, okay I'll give you the money!Just, don't tell Lenalee about "that".

Bak

xxx

To: Komurin4eva(at)touchmysisteranddie(dot)net

From: Superchef(at)kitchenmaster(dot)net

Subject: Re: Transfusion of money?

Supervisor,

I've gotten the bank check and the notice, concerning Allen's return today. I'll start cooking right after solving the „coffee-problem".

MfG Jerry

xxx


End file.
